What has my breakup taught me about relationships and life

I believe that every person comes to our life for a reason. They might not stay there forever, but even in the limited period of time, they teach us about life and ourselves. And here are 13 things I have learnt from my breakup.

1. Appreciate the other person

Deep inside we all want to feel important and appreciated.
Appreciation is the biggest gift you can ever give to another person, and it’s a basis for any relationship. Best part of it? It costs you nothing. It can be a nice word, a gesture, a small gift. It takes only so little to make the other person feel happy.
Please grab your copy of  How To Win Friends and Influence Others. In the last section of the book you can read of the basics of what each gender needs. As simple (and obvious) as these recommendations are, one can only hope that we actually practiced them.

2. Take interest in the other person’s hobbies and passions

We all have things we put our hearts in, and for that simple reason they deserve your partner’s respect. Show interest in what your significant other enjoys doing. Trust me, it means a lot. By engaging in things that matter to them, you’re showing that they matter to you, too. Besides, there is nothing stronger in a relationship that common passions and projects.

3. Do things because the other person wants them

There is little room for selfishness in a relationship. There will be many times when you’d prefer doing what you want, rather than what your partner would like to do. And there will be a lot of things that you partner likes that you simply don’t enjoy.
But if your significant other cares about something, then you still should do these things with or for them. Do things for the other person. In a relationship it’s not always about you and what you want. Don’t just take without giving. Because even if you don’t enjoy the activity, knowing that it puts a smile on your partner’s face is a reward enough.

4. Don’t take them for granted

Too often we get comfortably and we stop trying. But if you start taking things and people for granted, they will be gone before you notice. Every day remind yourself how lucky you are to have that other person next to you.

5. Tell them you love him/her

If you love them, tell them. There is nothing better to hear when falling asleep together than these 3 words. And no matter how long you’ve been together, saying “I love you” never gets old.

6. Celebrate

Celebrate as much as you can. Celebrate each others’ birthdays. Your anniversaries (and you don’t have to wait for a full year to do it). Celebrate holidays together, like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day. Celebrate each others’ successes. By doing it you’re expressing gratitude for what you have, and you never let the boring routine in.

7. Love is a verb

Who’d think that one of the best love advice I’d ever get would come from a business book. But yes, this one comes from 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People.
People often complain that there is no more love in their relationship. But love is a verb, too. If you want to sit and wait for it  to come back, nothing is going to change. Take action.
What do people in love do? They kiss, they hug, they touch, they help each other, they are gentle with each other. Act like one! Nobody else is going to spark the feeling in your relationship for you. By passively approaching any problems in your relationship you’re not giving yourself a chance. Be a doer, instead.

8. Practice open communication

As simple as it is, too often our ego and pride stop us from openly talking to our partner. We fear confronting issues. We act as all is ok, while frustration is only growing inside us to the point where there is nothing more you can do to salvage your relationship.
Learn to talk, learn to trust each other. You need it. You will encounter problems no matter how much in love you are. If you pretend everything is good, you’re not giving yourself a chance to work on them.

9. Stop dividing your relationship into a “honeymoon-period” and a “post-honeymoon-period”

When people first meet and fall in love, they can’t see the world without the other person. But guess what – it depends on you and you only whether you’ll feel this way the whole time of a relationship or not. Don’t use the “honeymoon period” as an excuse. The quality of your relationship depends on you and what you do, not on how long you’ve been together.

10. You have a right to be somebody’s dream girl/guy

Don’t settle for anything less than that. We compromise on too many things in our lives; love should not be one of them. You have the right to be loved, to be somebody’s No 1, to be adored.

11. Relationships are a hard work

No matter how much you love each other, and how similar you are, be ready to work hard for your happiness. Relationships is not something that happens because it’s convenient. And it’s not something that should be ruined once it stops being convenient. In order to make it really work, you’ll need to work on it every single day. But you know it’s well worth it, because the benefits of being in a healthy, happy relationship make up for everything.

12. Respect each other

No matter what happens, always respect the other person. Never raise your voice, don’t shout, don’t lie. If you ever feel even close to that, remember why you fell in love with them in the first place, and all the good they brought to your life. They deserve your respect. No matter if you’re together or if you break up, they will always have a permanent place in your heart.

13. Learn from it

Every relationship is a great opportunity to look inside and understand who you are to a much deeper level. You realize what your insecurities are. What your weaknesses are. Rarely any other situation gives you the chance to know it about yourself. Being in a relationship is like looking into a mirror that can penetrate thru you. This is why, no matter how your relationship ends, be thankful for this unique opportunity to learn and to grow. Don’t let your pride or ego block this learning. If you do open up to this self-awareness, your next relationship is only going to be better.